Email Retention Hacks Every DTC Founder Needs💡

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In today’s newsletter 

• Why your emails aren’t converting, and how to fix it with personalization & segmentation

•  Poop, unicorns & $30M in sales: breaking down the Squatty Potty ad

• Done-for-you social media for ecommerce brands

• If you’re not doing this, stop posting on social media

• Latest News: Meta continues to integrate AI bot profiles into its apps & more…

  Let's dive into it!👇

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• Growing on Social Media - Talk to Hana

Why your emails aren’t converting, and how to fix it with personalization & segmentation

I think you should’ve figured out that I love talking all things email and retention marketing. I probably have an unhealthy obsession with it, because there’s something special about it when you receive a customer’s or a potential customer’s email.

You can keep sending them emails. Again, and again, and again. All at a tiny fraction of the cost you pay the email tool. And may be you can account for your agency too that’s ripping you off, in which case, it’s not a tiny cost anymore (this is a whole different topic that we’ll talk on a different day).

But wait, sending the same email to everyone on your list is like trying to sell sunscreen to someone living in Alaska during winter. Or may be folks during winter wear sunscreen too? I have no idea, but you get the gist. It’s a waste of time, effort, and potential revenue.

Here’s how to actually do it right:

1. Break your list into real segments. Not everyone’s interested in the same stuff. Break down your list based on what they’ve bought before, what they’ve browsed, or even how often they engage with your emails. Someone who just made a purchase doesn’t need a 10% discount offer, they need a follow up on how to get the most out of their purchase.

2. Personalization is not just using first names. Throwing someone’s name in the subject line is not the only way of personalization. Make your emails feel like they’re actually meant for the person reading them. Recommend products based on their recent browsing or purchase history. Send tips that align with what they’ve already shown interest in. And if you’re not doing dynamic product recommendations yet, you’re seriously missing out.

3. Set up automated emails that makes sense. Sure, abandoned cart emails are a given. But what about post-purchase follow-ups, re-engagement emails for people who’ve gone cold, or even birthday offers? Automation (flows) is your friend. Once you set it up, it just runs in the background doing all the work and bringing in revenue, while you focus on other stuff.

4. Test what actually matters. Test what really impacts open rates and conversions, such as, subject lines, offers, and even which segments you’re targeting. That’s where you’ll find what actually works. And DO NOT test 2 things at the same time.

   Example: If you’re testing out a different image for Email 1, in other words, A/B testing, here’s how it looks:

   • Email 1.1 and Email 1.2 have the same exact content, except, email 1.1 has a different image compared email 1.2

   • Now, after you’ve run this test let’s say for a couple of weeks, if one of the email outperforms the other, you’d know what actually made the difference, and then you pick the winner, and start testing another variable (a continuous loop to keep improving your emails), such as subject lines, testing this image with a new one, copy, etc.

5. Use data, but keep it real. The more data you collect, the better you can personalize. But if your emails start sounding like they were written by a bot, you’ve missed the point. Keep it human, keep it relevant, and make sure you sound like you’re talking to a real person.

You should not be treating segmentation and personalization like something that you told yourself “I’ll start building them some day”. They’re the basics. If you’re not using them, you’re just playing a guessing game.

But if you’re a Founder, I get it. You barely have any time to work on these things. You have a million more things to worry about. And we want to make things easier for you, by taking email marketing and its tasks away from your shoulders, without having to pawn your kidney.

Interested? Book an intro call with me. Let’s chat!

🦄 Poop, Unicorns & $30M in Sales: Breaking Down the Squatty Potty Ad

This ad sold a toilet stool.
Let’s say that again: a toilet stool.
And yet, it went viral, turned a taboo topic into dinner-table talk, and pulled in $30M+ in sales.

How?

Let’s break down the now-famous Squatty Potty ad—the one with a prince, a unicorn, and rainbow ice-cream poop—and why it works so damn well.

🎯 The 50/50 Formula: Logic Meets Laughter

What makes this ad brilliant is the perfect 50/50 split between entertainment and logic.

• 50% Logic:
  It uses real problems, science-backed solutions, social proof, and guarantees.

• 50% Entertainment:
  Unicorns pooping soft serve. Similes. Metaphors. Idioms. Hyperbole. Ridiculous (but memorable) humor.

This split isn’t random. It keeps the viewer hooked with laughs while selling the product hard.

🧠 The Logic Side (aka The Sales Pitch)

Strip away the unicorn, and the script still sells. Here’s what it nails:

• Problem:
  Sitting to poop kinks your colon. Causes issues like constipation and hemorrhoids.

• Solution:
  Squatting unkinks your colon. Enter: Squatty Potty.

• Product Intro:
  “This is not a joke. It will give you the best poop of your life. Guaranteed.”

• Simple Science:
  “Kink. Unkink. Kink. Unkink.” Easy to understand. Hard to forget.

• Benefits:
  Faster poops. Complete elimination. Fewer issues. Easy to store.

• Credibility:
  Endorsed on Shark Tank. Loved by NPR, Men’s Health, and 2,000+ 5-star Amazon reviews.

It follows the classic DTC pitch structure:
Problem → Agitation → Solution → Social Proof → Call to Action.

No fluff. All fire.

😂 The Entertainment Side (aka Why People Watched Till the End)

This could’ve been a boring health product ad.
Instead, they brought in:

• Unicorns pooping ice cream

• A medieval prince

• Lines like:
  “Smooth stream of Froyo that glides like a virgin swan.”
  “Truly a footstool fit for a constipated king.”

They use every literary trick in the book:

• Simile & Metaphor:
  Poop as Froyo, muscle as a kinked hose.

• Idioms & Hyperbole:
  “A butt load of crap.” “The best poop of your life.”

• Personification:
  The unicorn is a character. So is the stool.

It’s outrageous—but that’s the point. It gets remembered. And shared.

📸 Even Without the Unicorns, It Still Sells

Take a look at this part of the script (screenshot below).
It has zero jokes. No unicorns. No Froyo. No glitter.

And it still works.

Why?

Because it follows a perfect sales structure:

• Hook: “You suck at pooping.” (Problem, stated clearly and directly.)

• Education: Explains why—the kinked colon angle.

• Solution: Shows how squatting fixes it.

• Product intro: “Introducing the Squatty Potty.”

• Promise: “Best poop of your life. Guaranteed.”

• Proof:

  • Shark Tank.

  • NPR.

  • Men’s Health.

  • 2,000+ Amazon 5-star reviews.

• CTA: “Click here to order…”

This could be a landing page.
It could be a product page.
It could be an email.

It’s airtight. No fluff. No fat. Every line moves the sale forward.

So yes, the unicorn got the views—but the logic closed the sale.

💡 What DTC Founders Can Learn

1. Don’t shy away from boring products.
   If a poop stool can go viral, so can anything—if positioned right.

2. Blend logic + entertainment.
   Sell hard and keep them watching.

3. Don’t write copy. Write mini-stories.
   Each part of your ad should be strong enough to stand alone.

4. Use simple, visual language.
   “Kink in the hose” beats “puborectalis muscle strain” any day.

5. Back your claims with proof.
   Reviews, guarantees, and media mentions build trust fast.

👉 Want to make ads people actually watch?
Study this one on loop. Then steal the formula.

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If you stop spending on ads, do your sales disappear?

That’s the problem. Most ecom brands don’t have an organic presence.
No consistency. No community. No trust being built.

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All designed to help you grow without relying 100% on paid ads.

How It Works

What’s Included:

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You get a team without hiring one.

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This isn’t a mass service. It’s built for quality.
Only 5 ecommerce brands will be onboarded.

From May 1st, the price goes to $1,500/month.
But the first 5 brands get in at $1,000/month.

After that, it’s closed.

No more ghosting your audience. No more depending only on ads.
Let’s build you a real presence.

If you’re not doing this, stop posting on social media

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📰 In the news

👉Meta continues to integrate AI bot profiles into its apps

Meta is expanding its AI-powered characters across Messenger, WhatsApp, Facebook, and Instagram, introducing conversational assistants that can engage with users in real-time. These AI personas are designed to entertain, provide information, and assist with tasks, enhancing user interaction across Meta’s platforms. This evolution opens new possibilities for brands to engage with audiences through interactive, AI-driven conversations, potentially improving customer service, retention, and brand loyalty.

👉Ecommerce and the Secondhand Boom

The secondhand eCommerce market is booming, driven by consumer demand for sustainable, affordable options. Platforms like ThredUp and Poshmark are seeing rapid growth as shoppers embrace resale for clothing, electronics, and home goods. Brands are also launching their own resale channels to capture this growing trend. DTC and eCommerce brands can tap into the secondhand market to expand revenue, attract eco-conscious consumers, and build brand loyalty by offering resale options or integrating with existing platforms.

Have any questions that you need help with?

Ask here - look out for Friday’s issue where Ibrahim will answer them.